It’s been a tough last few days for me. Shit, it has been a really tough semester for me. These last few days haven’t made it any easier. I don’t want to spend the time to explain what has been shitty, its nothing all that abnormal from my other experiences. Lets just say that there have been frustrating classroom discussions and depressing glimpses of reality…moments of breaking out in tears in the most embarrassing and unexpected places, feelings of deep hopelessness, in this season of advent, when I am supposed to be most hopeful.

I sat on my couch last night, in front of the fireplace, curled up in a ball, sobbing, clutching my stuffed gorilla Bummer, as I listened to this song play over and over and over again:

It’s been a long time girl, since I stepped inside your world

It’s almost like I’ve never even been there

Though the battle’s just begun, I feel the damage has been done

And I know there’s nothing left that we could repair

The sermons were sung, and seven palms were hung

On the walls of my dyin’ faith, I’m just waiting for–waiting for them bells to ring

There’s a statement in the yard preaching like some bandit bard

But me, I move along most unaffected

I never notice the decay, or when things didn’t go my way

Life’s everything I ever expected

With my warrior mask, and ignoble task

Listen to the hunter whispering

He’s just waiting for–waiting for them bells to ring.

Singing hey hey la, hey la hey, hey hey la, hey la hey, hey hey la

just waiting for them bells to ring

If I gave you my heart, could you heal it; if I gave you my song, would you sing it

Let’s sing it all night long

Th ough the lines have been drawn, in the breaking of the dawn

I will cross the bridge prepared to fight

And though my blood may be shed, I feel that peace lies up ahead

Near the belfry’s healing light

And ring if it does, like Picasso’s peaceful dove

I will fly free, far away

I’m just waiting for, waiting for them bells to ring

Singing hey hey la, hey la hey, hey hey la, hey la hey, hey hey la

just waiting for them bells to ring

Ringing out from the mountains, ringing out through the valleys

ringing out for my homeland, and the blood in the alley

ringing out for the drunk ones, ringing out for the sober

ringing out for the lovers, who know that its over

ringing out for the hungry, ringing out for the homeless

ringing out for the righteous, ringing out for the hopeless

ringing out in the blackness, ringing out for the soldier

ringing out for the future, waiting over your shoulder

for the sinner, for the accuser

ringing out for the winner, ringing out for the loser

out for the orphan, and the disbeliever

ringing out for the honest, and the deciever

ringing out for me, ringing out for you

and all the shit, that we’ve been through

Singing hey hey la, hey la hey, hey hey la, hey la hey, hey hey la

just waiting for them bells to ring

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