Everyone’s recent writing activity has spurred me on (thanks B and D). Part of the reason I’ve been rather silent has to do with reflecting on the purpose of my blogging and the direction of my thoughts. While there is a lot of political/social stuff that ravages through my small brain, it took me a while to realize this isn’t the venue. I’ll stick to what I know – me. Ergo:

I was in a relationship for 4 months. It ended a few days ago and the free time that I’ve rediscovered is absolutely astounding! I didn’t realize how much (freely-given) time was given to that relationship! For the sake of the other I won’t go into details of how it was, what went wrong, etc. Suffice to say that A 2.0 (3.0? 4.0?) has arrived. And looking ahead it is going to be quite the ride. The semester is over in less than a month, and I just solidified my plans for the summer. My professional self is coming together, as is my adult self starting to get some feet. It looks as though I’ll have more blogging-time, too! Anyway, on to some notables.

My mother sent me an e-mail which I think warrants sharing with you, the reader. For B, D, and all my friend and unknown readers – this is for you. Not to pour salt in any open wounds, but to offer some kind of hope for change. Because, as hard as it is to believe at times, people do change.

I just saw an article in a Dear Abby kind of column. I’m going to have to memorize it, because she says it much better than I can. It is by the mother of a gay teen who is now an adult.

‘When my son faced the realization that he was gay, he prayed and prayed that it was not so. When God didn’t answer by changing him, he accepted his reality and got on with his life. If he were to ask if I was sorry he was gay, I would tell him: “No. The same God that made you gay also made you brilliant, compassionate, courageous and the best son any parent could hope for. I would not change one thing about you” ‘

(: I think she knew you! Love, Mom

I’m not going to preserve a false image of masculinity. I cried. And a lot. This was from out of the blue, and waiting in my inbox upon arriving home from Mexico. Regardless of the arguments, harmful words, and misunderstandings of the past, there is a horizon that unveils when someone in your life affirms you. Not a pat on the back, but something in the vein of what my mom’s note reads.

I don’t think God spends as much time as I do fretting over hateful actions. I think God spends much more time shaping people to change the environment so that hateful actions don’t occur. My personal theology doesn’t allow for a vision of heaven/complete reconciliation before the return of Christ. However, I don’t think that means we have to give up on our faith in a God who champions the marginalized. We didn’t get a message of “just hold out” in the life of Jesus. We got a deep, radical infusion of grace and hope that doesn’t just “get us through” but fosters a spirit of compassion and intolerance of injustice.

I’ve had to do a lot of introspection lately in order to find my drive for what I do in the church and with other Christians. Is it hatred of those different than myself? Am I operating on a created image of an enemy that allows me to get enraged? Or am I seeking embrace and striving for something bigger than righting a single wrong? I don’t know yet that I have an answer, but I do know that I cannot allow myself to get caught up in a power struggle. For a “win” in such a battle operates under the same framework, only with new victims and new oppressors. It’s time for a new framework.

Faithfully, A.

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